Humor

DO YOUR SHOES MATCH?

Recently a dear friend of mine moved away.  I’ve been missing her terribly and was reminiscing about some of the many fun times we’ve had over the course of 34 years while doing errands the other day.  I found myself smiling a lot reflecting on these times.  Then I remembered an event we shared, which reminded me of an event at a previous job and I began to laugh in my car.  Yes, I became one of those crazy people you pull up to in a car at a red light and they are laughing out loud with nobody else in the car.  Hmm, although this seems to happen to me a lot!

A few years ago, this friend and I attended a Women’s Speaker event at her church.  She was involved with the planning of the event to bring this popular speaker in from across the country.  Since I had brought the same speaker to my church a few years before, the committee had included me in some of their planning meetings to help them with some of the little details, which I was excited to do.  Their committee worked hard organizing all those little details and the excitement was building for the event.

The big day finally arrives.  If any of you have been involved behind the scenes in a similar event, you know the feelings of getting everything together to make the day the best you possibly can for all the attendees.  In our hurriedness, we go at things one hundred miles a minute!  Sometimes, no matter how hard you prepare, they just don’t go smoothly.  Yet, it all boils down to how you handle it.  Do you go with the flow or do you become so frazzled that it becomes the proverbial snowball down the hill becoming larger and larger.

I purposely haven’t told you the topic the speaker was speaking on because, well, it would be like telling the punch line!

I’m sitting with my friend through the morning session.  Everything is going great.  It was a great first half of the day.  We do lunch, another success.  We have our break time, book signing then back to the last session of the day.

About half way through the afternoon, my friend leans over and whispers…”Can I tell you a secret?” I shake my head yes.  She then puts her two feet together and holds them up a little bit for me to see them both.  I gasp!  At this point, both of us can hardly contain ourselves.  She had a cute little outfit in navy and navy pumps.  Her shoes matched her outfit.  One problem.  They didn’t match each other!  They were both navy and they were both pumps.  But one was smooth and one was textured.  One was rather flat and the other had about a 1-1/2″ heel.

When we finally calm down enough to just a smile.  She then leans over to me again and whispers, “I was wondering why I was limping and my hip is starting to ache!”

Yep, we were gone!  Not only were we “Tickled Pink” I believe we were going into “Deep Fuchsia” from the laughter!  We were both laughing so hard that the bench sitting with us began to snicker in our inability to contain ourselves any longer.

As soon as the speaker concluded, we started laughing out loud and the entire row,  and those in front and back of us, wanted to know what was so funny.  My friend quickly grabbed my arm and said, “Don’t tell ’em, I made it all day without anyone noticing!”

I then had to tell her about my first job after college shoe experience.  I had a boss who was, um, different.  One day, as he arrived at 8:00 he zoomed into his office and closed the door.  I noticed his telephone light went on and I wondered if he was okay.  A minute or so later, he called me.  On the telephone, seriously?  I am ten steps from his desk chair.

He said, “Tammy, my wife will be bringing me a bag in about 30 minutes.  When she arrives in the lobby, they will buzz you as I’ve asked her to deliver it to you.”

I said, “Okay, you alright?”

He quietly said, “I will be.  Just bring me the bag when it arrives.”

Weird, I think.  What in the world is going on.  Finally, the receptionist calls me to come out to the lobby to pick up a package.  I go to the lobby.  For the first time ever, I meet my boss’s wife who is grinning from ear to ear.  She smiles and says, “These are for Paul, this is the other pair of shoes he wanted!”  At this she starts laughing and says, “Did he tell you why I had to come 30 minutes to bring these?”  I shake my head no.  She laughs and says as she leaves, “Make him tell you!”  Then she turns around and leaves, cackling all the way out the door.

I take them back to the office.  I knock on his door and he sticks his hand out the door to retrieve the bag.  Okay, so any of you who know me, you know I’m not handing over the goods now without an explanation!  I put the bag behind my back and say, “NO BAG!  SPILL IT!”  While hiding behind the door, he opens it and motions for me to come in, then shuts the door.  As the door shuts I can see them.  His shoes.

Oh my goodness!

One black wingtip, tie shoe.  One brown penny loafer.  Black plaid suit.  Hmm, I’m thinking his shoes don’t quite match his outfit!  

I try to be kind.  I make it about a minute while staring down at his shoes.  And then it happens!  I absolutely lose control and break into hysterical laughter.  He smiles and grabs the bag and proceeds to switch shoes.  I start laughing harder as he pauses and looks at the mis-matched pair in his hand.  I can’t help myself and I say, “You may want to pick the black one and go with that pair since you have a black suit on, you look confused.”

He smirks and says, “Ya think, smarty pants! Actually, I’m trying to figure out how I didn’t notice that one was a tie shoe and one was a slip-on and didn’t make the connection at home when I was getting dressed.”

We were both gone at that moment.

There you have it folks.  With all the hype of whether your shoe color matches your outfit.  Whether the style of shoe matches the style of outfit you have on.  That is important probably, but you really need to remember the first and foremost rule of style.  Do the SHOES actually match themselves?

….and that’s all I have to say about that!

Tammy
PS:  The speaker at the above Women’s Event was my friend, Emilie Barnes and her topic for the day was organization!  Having a home put together so you’re put together.

A Rip-Roaring Time at an MRI!

Truth be told, the title of the post should be classified as an oxymoron.  At least for me back in May that is.

I was scheduled for a repeat MRI of my back.  I had one  in May, 2009 when I injured my back causing a huge herniated disk at L5/S1.  That’s at the waistline. Yes, where you bend and twist and well,  just about everything.

The first MRI in 2009 was no problem for me.  Boring, yes.  Problem, no.  If anything I became very bored at about the 20 minute mark and started the “are we there yet” thought process in my head.  The big difference between the 2009 and the 2011 MRI was apparently last August I have now developed a little anxiety issue causing some claustrophobia as well.  Special.  Add to that, I had also gained a lot of weight due to the fact that many days I was lucky to be up and dressed let alone exercise.  Many weeks of “rest the back” turned into “grow the backside”.  Wonderful.

While having a decompression treatment at a chiropractor, an intern apparently strapped me in too tight in the harness.  It didn’t feel too tight when he set it, but it became evident somewhat quickly.  As customary in this office, they would set you up on the machine and go back on the other side of the partition to work.  I hadn’t had any problems in the 60+ treatments before.  On about the third cycle of the machine, I noticed that I wasn’t able to get my breath any more.  Goofy girl that I am – I didn’t want to “bother” any of the other patients on their table, so I tried to softly call for help.  Nobody came.  After about the fourth time of doing this and adding names of the staff to no avail, the lady beside me said, “I think you’d better yell, I don’t think they can hear you.”  Well, apparently now on about my 9th or 10th decompression cycle, I had no air and started to panic as I yelled, “I need help, really bad, I can’t breath.”  That got everyone’s attention.  The intern and one of the chiropractor’s flew over.  One turned off the machine and the other ripped the harness off.  Yeah, so by this time I was sort of going into panic, though I didn’t know it, but I kept trying to sit up before I was unhooked.  I just kept saying, “I just feel like I’m going to pass out, I need to sit up a minute.”  The doctor asked if I was feeling sick before I came.  I looked at her funny and said no, I just couldn’t get my breath, the harness was too tight.  They sent me home.

Knowing the fact that I now had an anxiety issue coupled with the weight gain,  it made me very nervous about having the MRI.  I knew the machine was tight before but now with added weight, I was not so sure how comfy it was going to be.  So I worried.  And I worried.  I decided to ask my Bible Study Buddies to pray for me to get the courage to set the appointment and go.  Armed with others’ prayers, I scheduled an appointment.

The appointment day arrived and hubby took me over.  They are running behind.  Oh yay!  There is a couple waiting in the lobby and they are eating Chinese take out.  It smelled good and we hadn’t eaten yet.  Hubby said,  “if you do the MRI, we will go to lunch afterward.  You can do it, I know you can.” I was hoping that watching them eat would offer just enough distraction to help me keep my mind off of what I was stressing about.  No such luck!

Finally, the lady calls my name.  I followed her back and listened to the drill to take off all metal.  I came prepared and after taking off a certain undergarment that has hooks and putting on my loose shirt, I was ready to go.  Before I opened the curtain to signal I was ready, I did the breathing exercise hubby always says to do, “breathe deep and blow it out.”  Didn’t work – I’m totally stressing out.

I open the curtain.  At this point, we were 40 minutes late and I just wanted to get this show on the road, be done and cheer for myself that I made it.

The tech calls me into the room.  My heart beats faster.  OH DANG, the hole in the tube is waaaayyyy smaller than it was two years ago.  What in the world?  Am I in the children’s MRI room?  Crud.  I am not going to fit into THAT hole.  Oh yeah – the panic level has risen.  I started doing some kind of side step shuffle while ramping up the speed of the random rambling, off the wall stuff coming outta my mouth.  Stop laughing, it’s not funny.  Yet!

So the tech is wiser than she looks.  She smiles and says, “Are we a little nervous?”  Oh, I don’t know – YA THINK?  I smile and sweetly say as I giggle, “a little.”  AH, YEAH QUITE A LOT TO BE EXACT!  In fact, you’d better lock the door or I’m gonna bolt.

I have to say, through the next 20 minutes, this lady deserved a gold start.  She was the most compassionate, patient and kind person in the medical field I’ve personally worked with in a very long time.

The tech explains what we are going to be doing.  I tell her this is a repeat, but that I’m very anxious that I’m not going to fit and that I now have an anxiety issue I never had before.  She smiles and says, “oh, I can see that.”  Really?  She starts to make small talk to try to get me to calm down before she even lets me on the table that is way outside of the machine.  What planet is she from – I know what she’s up to.

She says, “oh, I see you were born in 1959, how funny, me too!”

I say, “and we are in good company, because Barbie was born in 1959, too!”  Seriously.  That’s all I can come up with, really?

She then says, “well, I guess I’m kinda like Barbie, I’m still looking for my Ken.”  We both laugh.

I reply, “yeah, I guess I’m sort of like Barbie, too.  I got her big boobs, but not her little butt.”  Oh for
pete’s sake, somebody put duct tape over my mouth.  “And speaking of Barbie’s and my boobs, what will I do with them while going into the machine?  I think they’ll probably end up in my armpits.”  Oh. My. Goodness.  Did I just say that out loud?  Why, I believe I did.

I finally am on the table. Then the crazy women straps my shins down to the table.  Rev up the heart again.   We try going in.  She gets up to my neck and I say, “nope, can’t do it.”  She asks me if I want a towel over my eyes that it helps some people not see how close the machine is and they calm down.  I laugh and say, “that’ll never work for me, I will keep thinking that this towel is on my eyes so I don’t know how close this machine is to my face.”  She asks me to at least try it.  So I did.  She touches the button to start moving the table and I freak and fling the towel off my face.  Didn’t work.

She tried to soothe my anxiety down.  I beg her to just take whatever she can get with leaving me out from my chin up.  She says she can’t.  I tell her I’ll try one more time, but I feel bad wasting her time, because I don’t think I’m going to be able to do it.

I cross my arms over my body and she started making the table go in very slowly about two inches at a time.   I started trying to think of ANYTHING but what I’m doing.  I made it all the way in.  I have to roll my shoulders inward making my “girls” move to the center like a uni-boob, but then they wanted to go somewhere and they ended up under my chin.  As if I’m not already breathing hard from the anxiety, now I really can’t get a breath.  Mercy, my “girls” are suffocating me. Deja Vu of my little experience from August began to come to my warped mind.  She just starts to say, “you are doing great, I am going to walk to the other room and start the……”   and I dig my heels into the table and try to push myself up and out of the machine.  She presses the button really fast and says, “It’s ok, it’s ok, I’m pulling you back out, you’re ok.”

She helps me off the table as I begin to become very embarrassed and start apologizing all over myself for wasting her time.  I could hardly get out of the door fast enough to go change.  From behind the curtain as I’m changing, I hear her say to the office,  “we weren’t able to do this, she is extremely claustrophobic.”  I hear her.  WHAT?  Now I have another “issue”.  ARGH………

As I came out, she says I could re-schedule and have someone drive me the next time and come early so the doctor could administer valium.  I abruptly say, “ok, thank you.”  Walk away and mumble, “when donkey’s fly.”  I am about in tears and I get to the lobby to find my husband…..

Eating Chinese food!

Just like 25 years ago when I gave birth extremely fast and he complained that he didn’t get the free little ginger ales, he looks up as he had his picnic spread out all over his lap and says, “oh, are you done already, I didn’t eat my snack.”  Warped goofball that I am, I say, “it’s ok, eat your lunch and just give me the keys.  I need to wait in the car.”  I was choking back a thunderstorm of tears and I believe after 30 years of marriage he must have been able to tell.  He quickly clicked open the car lock from his seat as he packed up his snack really fast.  I leave him there to do whatever he wants – I’m outta here!

On this particular day as I then proceeded to have a total melt down, I have to say I did not find anything funny.  Or for the next 10 or so days as I continued to not be able to get my breath when I would think about what happened or even when someone would ask how my MRI went.

Yet, for those of you who know me or who have been following along this year, you know I alwaystry to find humor in anything.  As I thought about this just recently, I began to play back the comments that came out of my mouth.  What makes me ramble off the wall, whacked out comments? What on earth goes through my mind when I’m stressed like this?  Is it that I just totally lose my mind when stressed!  Or maybe, just maybe,  it’s that I’ve just totally lost my mind and stress is no factor!

….and that’s all I have to say about that!

Tammy

FOOD FRIDAYS! – A “CORNY” POST

Growing up in Summit County, Ohio it was just a ritual that at the end of summer it was time to make the pilgrimage to Szalay’s Corn in Peninsula to get their summer bounty of Sweet Corn.  Sweet Corn it was, too.  We would make the 30 minute drive at least twice a week until the corn was gone.

Now as a Diva of my own home, it is still a tradition to do so.  However, in the last ten or so years, I decided that these delicious kernels needed to be enjoyed more than just late August and September and began to freeze them.  There is nothing like some super sweet, local-grown corn goodness long about January in cold and dreary Ohio.
Szalay’s secret is out and often when you go down to their market you stand in line as one by one the wagons filled with ears of corn come in then go back out for refill!  Thankfully, some of our local grocery stores have started to carry them.  Not as fresh as right off the wagon from the field, but still usually that day’s pickings.
Last week became “that” week where hubby and I loaded up with 4 or more dozen ears of corn to be “put up” for winter’s savoring.  First we bought some, brought it home, made it, then ate it to make sure it was good enough! Like Szalay’s is ever bad!  It was, of course, delicious.  The next morning, hubby went to the store and brought me bags and bags of corn on the cob.  I got my pots, bowls and ziplocs ready.  Put the pan of water on to boil and set to work.
I boiled the corn on the cob about 8-10 minutes, then transferred it to a big sheet pan to cool.  Once cooled just enough to be able to hold it, I sliced it off the cob into a huge bowl.  Once all the corn in done and cut off, I then started bagging into the quart freezer bags.  
Here’s a question for all of you:  are you the “naked” corn  connoisseur or are you a “butter and salt” corn connoisseur.  If you read my last post, you will automatically know which camp I’m in on this!  However, the other two who live in the abode are from that other camp!  Depending on which camp you are in for the corn would decide if you add butter to the bag for freezing.  My suggestion on this is to taste a kernel or two once cut off.  If your local corn isn’t super sweet this year, place a pat or two of butter in the bag.  Then when you warm it up in the winter, the butter is already in it.  Our corn this year went to the freezer “naked”!   Sigh……poor corn!

 Check out my Sous Chef!  She was just hoping there would be a kernel or two drop!

 Ok, since you asked–here’s a close up of Miss Toto!  All 4 pounds of her!

Yum – about 2 dozen ears of corn cut and ready for packaging!
So – what in the world to do with all the corn cobs!  Don’t have an outhouse, so need to go there!  I do have a better suggestion!  How about cooking them again in that corn water to help leach out more of the delicious corn flavor.  Ok – that’s what I did!
Once all the cobs were reboiled, I removed the cobs and threw them out.  I do believe I’ve gotten as much out of them as I can at this point!  In another small skillet, I sauted up a large onion,  one red pepper chopped and about 8 oz. white button mushrooms, chopped.  I had already cubed up 8 small red potatoes that I scrubbed, but did not peel.  I brought the corn water back up to a rolling boil and add the potatoes.  Since they are small, I let them go for about 3 minutes and add in the other veggies that have been sauteing.  I have saved back about 2 cups of corn that was cooked and cut off the cobs and add this at this time.

The only seasonings I  added is about 3 Tablespoons of fresh chopped parsley, a little salt, a pinch of cayenne, about 1 Tablespoon of fresh squeezed lemon, about 1/2 teaspoon of fresh grated nutmeg and a couple cranks of fresh ground pepper.  
At this point, this would be considered Corn Soup as I had not added any cream to the soup to make it an actual Chowder.  I decided to freeze it in two containers of Corn Soup and two containers of Corn Chowder.
The goods!  Ready to eat on a cold winter’s day!
There you have it!  A corny – Food Friday post!  I would love to hear your “Corn” Stories.  What do any of you do with the annual corn season?  Do you have any family traditions to go get some corn at a local farmer or farmer’s market?  What is your favorite way to eat corn?  Or even other favorite fresh corn recipes!  Who knows, you share – you may end up here on my blog!
Let me hear about your “corny” stories!
….and that’s all I have to say about that!
Tammy