Humor

Why Can’t This Boy Understand Me?

Have you ever wondered why someone couldn’t understand you?  I mean, you both are speaking English.  Both of you were raised right here in the good ‘ol US of A.  So why is it that we just can’t always understand what the other person is trying to say.  I pondered this recently when I was visiting my mom in the nursing home.  We were recalling a funny story of visiting her family in Virginia.

My mom was raised in Southwest Virginia and I was fortunate enough to spend many of my summers visiting my Granny (my great grandmother) with my mom and grandma who both lived in Northeast Ohio after moving here in the early 1950’s.  During these wonderful summers, I found it easy to pick up how they spoke and never really gave it much thought that it would be considered a “different language” as I quickly spoke just like them!  For those of you who don’t know me, I can talk with quite speed.  Yet as I’ve grown older, I have learned to slow it down so people can understand me…sort of.  Not true when I was a youngster!  I could speed through a paragraph of story telling faster than you could say, “Pardon?”
So, imagine what it would be like to take my speed, add the southern “language”, bring me back to Ohio and place me in my school classes each fall!  Yes!  I got, “Excuse me, what did you say?” from many teachers, not to mention my classmates!”

So, with my being able to communicate with my Southern born and bred relatives with ease, it never occurred to me that my hubby or daughter would have a bit of a time especially when a couple of my cousins and I got together. When we talked, we could speed through a conversation faster than a tornado!  One particular story brought hilarious laughter, then tears to my mom and I again the other day when I was reminding my mom of it.

I had taken my mom, grandma, hubby and daughter “down home” to Virginia to see the family.  We had all been sharing stories of “remember when’s” and just talking a mile a minute.  At one point in the conversation, my mom’s cousin Jim, who is her age, was telling tales about “up the road in them thar hollers”.  He kept talking and talking until finally at one point my husband said, “What on earth are you talking about? What is a holler?”

There was a long pause.  All the relatives slowly looked at each other.  Then Jim finally looked back at my husband and said, “Boy, ain’t you never heard of a holler?”

“No, I have no idea what you are talking about,” said my husband.

“Well then, Tammy, let’s git in yer van and go show this boy, here, some hollers, ” Jim said.

And so we did.

My husband, daughter, cousin Jim and I all got into our van.  Jim gave directions as I drove up into the hills to show both hubby and daughter the hollers.  It was hilarious as Jim would give us all the “low-down” of what’s going on up in that holler or this holler.  For the most part, the hubby was following what he was saying, although, looking in the rearview mirror, on occasion, I could tell he didn’t catch the drift! Many words had too much twang in them or slang that poor hubby just couldn’t keep up!

As we were making our way back up the main highway heading back to my aunt’s house, Jim was explaining to us the terrible tragedy that had been happening to the local cattle.  This is the part of the holler tour that we still to this day make fun of my poor husband not “being able to understand the language!”

Jim:  “We been havin’ a turible time with the cattle round heya. Seems the ranchers can’t for the life of themselves catch all these cow-otees runnin’ rampant in them there herds over yonder.”

Hubby:  “Wow, what kind of cows are they, that they are running rampant?”

Jim:  “Huh, boy, whatchu mean what kinda cows are they?  Ain’t chu neva heard of a
cow-otee?  Boy, ain’t chu got you some cow-otees in O-Hi?”

Hubby:  “I don’t think so, what color are they?”

Jim:  (Looking at me very puzzled) “How do I know what color they are, I’m not chasin’ em, I guess they are the color all cow-otees are.  Boy, what’s wrong with you?…what color are they” he mumbles and looks at me with frustration.

Then I look in the rearview mirror as my poor hubby is looking into the fields we are passing.

I say:  “Whatcha looking for?”

Hubby:  “I guess a different looking cow over there in the field with the other cows.”

Jim: (now getting totally frustrated with my hubby) “Boy, what in tarnation are you talkin’ ’bout?  There ain’t no cow-otees in the field today, they come out at night an attack the cows.”

Hubby:  “Wait, what are you saying?  Say it slow.”

Jim:  “cooowww – oootteeeess, cow-otees.  Boy you deaf?  Tammy, why can’t this boy understand me? Ain’t ya’ll got cow-otees in O-Hi?”

Me:  “Yep.”

Hubby:  “I’m telling you, I’ve never heard of an animal called a cow-otee.  Is it as big as the regular cows?”

Jim:  “Ain’t no cow, boy, it’s a cow-otee! A cow-otee!  You git it?”

Have I ever admitted to you that I’m an ornery girl through and through?  Well, I am having an absolute blast watching this whole conversation that carried on for more than 20 minutes, I kid you not.  I did a great job not cracking up though.

Hubby:  “Tammy, do you know what he’s talking about?”

Me:  “Yep.”

Hubby:  “Will you puh – lease tell me what is a cow-otee?”

Me:  “Yep.”

Hubby:  “Well…”

Me: “It’s a coyote.”

At this point, Jim shakes his head and says, “YES!”

Hubby:  “Well Jim, why didn’t you just say coyote?”

Jim:  “Boy, I been sayin’ cow-otee the entire tyme we been talkin’!  You deaf?”

I guess it’s true that no matter where you go, you should always try to pay close attention to those you are speaking with, especially if you don’t speak the same language!  But, I have to admit, it is rather hilarious standing to the side watching others try to understand each other when they don’t!  Just too stinkin’ funny!

…and that’s all I have to say about that!

Tammy

Huh, Am I Dreaming…Again?!

As I sit here on vacation feeling the ocean breeze blow across my face, I close my eyes and lean my head back over the top of my short little beach chair.  The heat of the Hawaiian sun warms my face so much that it nearly lulls me to sleep.  In the background, I can hear the waves lapping up at water’s edge and every once in a while they make it up to my feet.  The water is cool and crisp and feels ever so exhilarating and refreshing as it makes it’s way up and over my foot and up my ankle.  I feel as though I could sit here for ever as the sounds of the waves crashing up the shore then receding back into the ocean are rhythmic and lulling. Off in the distance, I can hear the yell of a surfer who celebrates as he or she caught a good ride.  Sitting here today, there are no worries or burdens to ponder.  There are no phones, no televisions, or voices.  I have found a beach spot where I’m somewhat secluded, just me, my little beach chair and…


SNAP!

Dang!  I’m dreaming again! I fell asleep then snapped my neck when my head fell forward and it woke me up! Wait, you weren’t getting jealous when you thought I was beachin’ it did you? Ha!  I only wish I were at the beach today away from the frigid Ohio cold.  But this does remind me of a funny story!  Wanna hear it?  Good, I’m gonna tell you!
The three of us in our little family were at the beach, again!  That’s a surprise for us, right?!  We had been at the beach for quite a while.  Hubby and daughter were taking a break from boogie boarding and we were all sitting in our cute little beach chairs.  Gosh, I love those little squatty chairs that you can place on the sand at water’s edge and enjoy the sun while the surf rolls over your feet and cools you off.
How about you?
As usual, I’m reading a book in my chair.  Hubby is just people watching.  Our daughter has decided to bring a book along on this day as well.  After a little while and the fact that the tide has rolled back out taking the water’s edge back with it about ten feet, the daughter decided she would move her chair closer to the water.  She asked if I was going to move, too.  I decided to stay put as I’m about to finish my book soon.  So, off she goes.
She decided to not go all the way out into the water, but rather to place her back to the ocean and place her chair just far enough out that every so often, the water would come up to her feet just a little.  One catch.  The tide was changing.  She didn’t know it.  Her parents didn’t tell her!  With both of us parents with dark sun glasses on, we kept “busy” doing what we were doing, but in actuality, we were watching the tide come in closer and closer.
Little by little it came closer.  She hadn’t noticed the fact that the water was coming a little bit more up her foot.  She was that into her book.  All of a sudden, my hubby quietly giggled and said, “uh oh! Ready for this?!”  Oh yeah!  A huge wave came rolling in, splashed up the back of the chair, up and over her and as it receded back out, it took a bunch of the sand along.  In fast, slow motion, back she fell in the little beach chair.  There she was, stuck in the chair on her back with her legs dangling up in the air and her hand also up in the air trying to save her book.  Which didn’t work!  It had already been soaked with the wave that crashed up and over and all around her!
To this day, when we see people at the beach sitting in their short little beach chairs it always brings a good laugh to both hubby and I.  As for the daughter, she just says, “yeah, yeah.  You two were mean parents letting me sit there all the while waiting for the big wave that could have drowned me.”
So I tell you dear friends, no matter how big the huge crashing waves of life may feel at times, you can just laugh your way through it or hang on to the bitterness the waves may cause.  As for me, I’ll be snickering my way through just about any wave that hits me.  
…and that’s all I have to say about that!
Tammy

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Have you ever had one of those days when you just felt like everyone was spitting or pooping on you?  I’m serious here!

I have had so many times of people spitting on my face or animals pooping on me that it has become a family joke.  On me of course…literally!  This started way back when.

A vivid memory I have, and an oh so grotesque one I have involved my Dad, Mom, Me and my Grandmother (my Dad’s Mom).  I must interject here that if you knew my Grandmother, you know where this is going, but since many of you didn’t know her an explanation is due.  You see, my Grandmother liked to spit.  Not the chew the tobacco then spit into a cup kinda lady.  The snort up a large lugey and spit it.  She had wastebaskets and newspapers spread all over the floor in her favorite seats in the house.  Get the picture.  Good, as it will help.  Back to the memory.  We were riding in my Dad’s convertible.  My Dad was driving and my Mom was behind him.  My Grandmother was in the front passenger seat and I was, well, you guessed it, right behind her in the back seat.  Yup – oh boy, what a treat!  As it was a beautiful, sunny day my Dad had the top down.  After a little while my Grandmother, God bless her, well, she decided it was time to…SPIT.  So she did.  Can you just imagine where that lugey went?  Precisely!  Directly onto my right cheek.  And that thang was as big as my cheek. Are you kidding me?

Another memory:  While walking through the Berlin Germany Zoo back in 1994, my Husband, Daughter and I were enjoying a few monkeys playing around.  We were intently watching them play tag when all of a sudden I felt something warm on my face.  Again!  It seems that a flock of birds had just had lunch and needed to relieve themselves.  Right onto my right cheek, down the front of my shirt and into the inside of my left shoe.  Are you kidding me?

I can’t even count on two hands the amount of people who have gotten so into their stories to me that they literally sprayed them onto my face.  Pretty much on the right cheek, in fact! Are you kidding me?

Then there was today.

As I was walking to my car from work, I was enjoying the 52 degree day here in Ohio.  It was rather windy, but when there is 52 degrees in the middle of January, I will take some wind!  Apparently, our fine feathered friends were out enjoying the fair weather as well.  And eating.  And, you guessed it, pooping!  On whom you might ask?  Well, give you one guess!  Oh, and guess where?  But of course, across my right cheek and the left lens of my glasses.  Are you kidding me? See, I have proof below…

Now, you might say how in the world is she going to spin encouragement into this. Have no fear, my friends.  For no matter how many times people will spit lugies or spray spit across your face or birds will drop bombs on you when you least expect it, it boils down to the same thing.  Whether it’s the spitting, pooping, or insults being flung from folks.  You just gotta do what I did today.  I just cracked up so hard that it “Tickled Me Pink.” And then I just turned the other cheek and yelled, “Ha, is that all you got birdie?”

…and that’s all I have to say about that.

Tammy