Recently, someone realized that I have gone to cooking school.  I even graduated from a cooking school!  Since I’ve been cooking since a very young age, it sort of seemed strange that I would go to cooking school to some folks.  However, I learned skills and tricks that the “Chefs” use that make me love to play with food even more.  What makes it the best is that I have a hubby who will eat anything at least once…well, except for blue cheese (unless it’s in my Michigan Cherry Salad!)

I thought I might like to add this feature to my blog on Fridays every now and then, hence the oh so clever name…Food Fridays!  I’ve been playing around in the kitchen this summer with the abundance of produce at it’s peak right now and thought I might like to start sharing that with all of you out here in cyber/blog world, which I will in due time, but I thought I would start off my Food Fridays with a little Food Humor.  I want to encourage you to get back into the kitchen and play even if you think you don’t like to cook! With my Food Humor for today, I’m going to really rat on myself and my Mom, but do not worry your little head – the story I’m about to tell you – my Mom is well aware of!  It will give you a glimpse into probably the biggest reason I am not a huge meat fan!  Brace yourself!

Long ago in a town called Akron and in the state of Ohio lived a family.  There were three people in this family.  The Dad, the Mom and the darling, wonderful, well-behaved, smart, talented, creative daughter…oh, that would be me.  They lived in a little two bedroom home on a hill in a quaint neighborhood.  There was no dining room as the house was under 800 square feet large.  They ate in their kitchen.  The kitchen table was placed against the wall, the wall with a heating register in it about a foot and a half from the floor.  Air conditioner?  Ha – open the window and turn on the fan.

As the Dad was an extreme meat lover, most meals centered around meat.  The Mom was a Southern lady born and bred and knew how to fry her up most any meal.  However, the Dad was not always prone to arrive home to dinner on time, and often the dinner would have to be put on low to keep warm until the family could eat together.   Oh, yum.  By the time he arrived home, he was famished and often would eat more of the meat.  Happy dance!

As luck would have it, on this particular night, he was on time and the Mom had prepared one of the daughter’s least liked meat…the (gag, choke) cube steak.  Ewwwwwww!  To this day, she feels if someone serves this to her – that person must hate her!

As usual with this family, the Dad would scarf down the food without looking up most of the meal.  The Mom would keep a conversation going and the daughter would eat all the vegetables and keep staring at that cube steak.

The daughter was raised in a household that held firm that you should have at least a little of each of the things cooked and be happy as there was some poor child in China starving.  Oh how this daughter would beg to wrap up the meat and ship it to that child whenever that speech was delivered!

As usual when a large portion of meat was served to this daughter, she would sit and pout and stir around the meat as if stirring would magically dissolve it and make it go away.  Sit, pout and stir.  Sit, pout and stir.  Dang – it’s still there.

On this particular night, she had the most brilliant idea!  Her chair was strategically placed right beside that heater grate and the parents had left the kitchen to go outside and read the paper.  So, little by little she placed the pieces of meat inside.  She had opened the door of the huge old furnace downstairs and had seen the big fire inside.  She figured it would just go in and burn up.   Fab – u – lous!!!

She finished her deed.  Went out to her parents to say she was done and ask to be excused from the table.  The Mom came in and the daughter was excused to leave the table and do her chores, the dishes.  As she washed them, she gagged at the plates that had the meat on them.  Just the smell did her in.  She did those first.  As she finished the rest, the pride in getting out of that meat eating experience made her feel oh so much better.

Until the next week.

Arriving home from school, the daughter entered the front door and yelled to the Mom, “I’m home, Mom where are you, I gotta tell you something.”  The Mom said, “I’m in here in the kitchen and I gotta tell you something, too.”

As the daughter entered the kitchen, the Mom was standing with her hands on her hips looking at the kitchen table.  This is not looking good.  The daughter looked at the table and there was this huge plate of greenish, brown fuzzy stuff.

As the story goes, the Mom was mopping the small kitchen on her hands and knees when she happened upon a putrid smell.  After searching it out, she got a screwdriver and opened up the heating grate to find this wonderful masterpiece.

As the daughter looked down at this fuzzy heap piled on a paper plate with a fork and napkin to it’s side,  the Mom smiled and said, “Oh, go ahead and sit down, you actually haven’t finished your meat just yet.”

Now, before you go all crazy and think that this Mom went loco and made the daughter eat it, she did not.  But she did leave her to sit by it for a while to think about her little deed!

If you ever go out to eat with me and I do not order meat….you now have a little glimpse into why!
And parents, if your child wishes to not partake in the food item that we call meat, please don’t make them.  You just may scar them for life!

….and that’s all I have to say about that!

Tammy