Yeah, so there are so many directions I could go with this topic, but I will start with some thoughts on the whole potty event.  No, don’t click off and go somewhere else – stick with me – I’m not going into THAT kind of detail.  


Recently something happened to someone that had me totally crack up and I was even given permission to share here on my blog.  It went something like this….”Oh, and you can put this on your blog ’cause I know you probably will anyhow!”  Sounds like permission granted if you ask me.


There are actually two distinct potty issues that come to mind with this same person in fact.  One happened a couple of years ago at a local chain spaghetti restaurant.  This particular  restaurant is known for all the “stuff” hanging all over their walls, ceilings and obviously their bathroom walls as well.  To set the story, you need to know this friend is a male so that should tell you what “type” of toilet would be being used in this event.  A group of us were finishing dinner when this friend said he needed to use the restroom.  We finished up and I realized the person hadn’t returned, so figured he either made a longer stop or was waiting up front since we were all mostly done.  After a long while, we all made our way to the front, but I realized he wasn’t out yet, so we chatted and waited.  And waited.  Finally, I said to the others, “Do you suppose he went outside to wait?”  It was summer, so we thought maybe he was outside.  We all go out and sure enough he was in the car I was riding in.  Happy he was found we all proceeded to leave.  I got to the car and asked, “We thought you were coming back to the table – are you ok?”  He snickered and said, “Yeah, I’m ok.”  I said, “Well then why did you come out here?”  He snickered yet again and said, “You know all the stuff all over the walls? Well, they have all kinds of stuff to read in the bathroom while you’re standing there and I guess I got carried away reading, and I sort of missed!”  We then realized why he came out to the car and after a moment of respectful silence, the car burst into hysterics!  Couldn’t help ourselves.  Just saying.


So this same poor friend had a restaurant/bathroom visit again recently that brought me into uncontrollable laughter that got me to thinking.  First let me tell you about “the event”! (Laughing just remembering it!)  We were at a chicken sandwich place.  I am not finished, but he is.  He excuses himself and heads to the restroom.   A few minutes later he comes to the table chuckling to himself.  “You’ll like this, ” he says.  “Oh, and you can put this on your blog ’cause I know you probably will anyhow!”  Well, ya fool – why did you commence to tell me the story!  You KNOW I’m always up for a good laugh and since the blog is about that – you are giving me great material just with your potty adventures. Hmmm, could that be an entire book…..oh – back to the story at hand.


He has always made fun of me complaining about having to “sit down” at public places, and some are really gross.  I’m thinking – HA – LIKE YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT STANDING THERE!!  Anyway – off track again! So he begins to chuckle as he explains the adventure…


“So, I go into the only stall (men usually only get one?-who knew!) and I see the holder for the toilet seat cover and decide to use it.”  He HAS listened a little to my cootie stories!  “Since I don’t do this very often, I didn’t realize that when you carefully unfold the cover, then lay it down, undo your pants, turn around and go to sit down that the toilet has interpreted that movement in front of the sensor as –Ok, we’re done, now flush!”   “So, as I’m sitting down, it flushes and takes my cover down with it!  So, do I jump back up and get another one and put it down?  Meanwhile my pants would be at my ankles and be on the ground (no song here please) picking up more germs according to your many stories, Tammy!”


Well, I never did get the rest of the story as to how the actual story ended – go without or start over – because I’m picturing the same thing happening to me oh way too many times!  Anybody getting a picture here?  Anyone have this happen to them?  Anybody have to put down more than one seat cover and if so – how many?  Oh boy!


Therefore, this brings up some thoughts for today.  There are those out there that never use any seat covering-they feel others are germafobes, the ones that hover (my Mom was THE great hoverer!)-if you never actually touch the porcelain goddess it won’t count as getting germs, and those that use the cover if provided or toilet paper all around the seat-they are not taking any chances on possible germs.  Such dilemma just to go potty!




…and that’s all I have to say about that!


Tammy

Surrounded by the beauty of the islands we call Hawai’i,  one would think that it would be  – well – paradise.  Which in fact it is when you are a visitor.  But apparently when you live there, there are things that happen to you all the time that you learn to “just deal with” and go on.  However, if you are a midwesterner longing for this paradise and one of these blips along the way come to pass, you wonder how in the world they survive this on a regular basis.  A very regular basis we were told.

Let me set the tone so you can get a little feel for where we were physically before I go any further.  This part, in and of itself may lead to another post for another day.  For this post, I’ll just bring you to the mood du jour!   We were staying on the Big Island at a very large resort.  We had earned enough points to go again and were set to have a ball!  On this resort there are three large towers with a total of 1,240 rooms and this is spread over 62 acres, really.  This is one big mama jama!  To get back to the lobby from any of the towers or to go to any of the many amenities (pools, lagoons, dolphin encounter, restaurants, etc.) you either ride the tram, ride the boat or walk 20+ minutes (without bags, pool toys – just plain ol’ huffin’ it).  The room we were in had a beautiful view of the ocean off our lanai as well as the dolphin encounter and part of the lagoon.  Our entrance door was above the waterway the boat traveled.  In the center of this waterway were a bunch of trees and flowers that were really pretty.  We weren’t the only ones who thought so.  Argh.  So did 5 million birds!  Ok, maybe a little exaggeration – just 4 million AND A HALF!  Good gracious these birds LOVED to talk.  They tweeted and chirped until 1 am every stinking night.  Then whatever kind of breeding they had the little buggers only needed 4 hours of sleep because they were up again at 5 every stinking morning.  Ahhhhhhhhhh – enough to make you pull your hair out.  Aloha and Mahalo you little …well I can’t say that here.

So – now you get the mood we already were in.  Exhausted AND aggravated, but the best is yet to come on this beautiful, wonderful day in Frickin’ paradise!  I venture off to the shower as we are going into Kailua Kona for some shopping and looking at real estate.  Hmmm, the light for the bathroom won’t come on.  Further investigation – nothing in the room is on or will come on.  Thankfully, the phone is working and we call the front desk.  “Oh yes, the power is off Ma’am and will probably be off most of the morning.”  “Really,”  I ask? ” Oh yes, this is normal.  If you leave your room,  there will be guides around the resort to help you find your way.”   Great!  No shower – no way I’m going shopping.  So, we decide with no shower let’s just go to one of the beaches down the coast and boogie board and have some beach time.   No problem.  (Insert coughing here.)

So, lathered up with sunscreen, suits on, towels packed, boogie boards ready (yes, we lugged them from Ohio-don’t get me started) – out the door we go.  Hey – the sun comes up early here so this isn’t too bad out here.   Nobody knows us here, so they won’t notice our lovely hairdos, we’ll just say – “Going BACK to the ocean!”  Down the long hall, round the corner and to the elevator.  Uh oh – no power.  Um yeah, forgot about that when we loaded up all three of our bodies with “stuff” for the day.  However, there was a sweet little asian lady there handing out little flashlights with dim bulbs in case we may need one to get around the resort.  This is so normal for them that they pull people from the tram, boats and housekeeping to become guides.  No electricity – no work.  She asks us where we are trying to get to as best she can in her broken english – the lagoon she wonders?  We say we are heading out to the parking lot to get in the car and head to the beach.  She says, “Oh follow me I take you to parking lot short way.”  Then gestures with her hand to follow her with a funny little grin.  I mumble under my breath, “Oh no, she looked like she was out of a thriller movie leading us to our deaths…..follow me this way…hehehehehe.”  YIKES!

So, not wanting to be rude.  We follow this little Grandmotherly type lady.  Grandmothers are ok, right? She takes us down the steps and if we were to go right, within 15 minutes we would be back at the lobby and then we could walk out to the large lot where our car is.  We start to turn and she shakes her head, wiggles her finger and waves that hand – “this way” again and turns left.  We all three look at each other and I gulped and said…”Where’s she taking us – are we gonna die?”  She opens an exit door and proceeds down the steps.  Did I mention there is no power?  Did I mention the point of little flashlights with dim bulbs?  Oh – and did I tell you that WE ARE ALL LOADED TO THE GILLS WITH STUFF?

On our last visit to the resort, we were up front on the tram and were going from one end of the resort to the other so we had a long time to talk to the driver as the tram makes lots of stops to let people on and off.  He said he lived there at the resort.  He said that underneath the resort is a virtual city with the laundry facilities for the entire resort, maintenance offices and equipment, furniture storages and apartments for some of the workers who choose to live there.  He and his wife and young daughter lived there.  He said it was as big as the resort itself.

Back to following our little guide.  We keep going down the steps and end up in this huge dark maze of hallways with no lights down there and lots of noise.  I whisper to my daughter that nobody could hear us if we yelled.  She said, “We’re going to die down here!”  Then starts laughing.  Great – scare me more than I’m already scared, not to mention we are all getting a little cranky.  Did I mention we are carrying a ton of crap???  We come upon a Y in the halls and she walks up to a group of asian men standing there talking with their flashlights on as well.  They talk together in their own language and keep looking back at us and talk some more.  My witty daughter says it again…”We’re going to die!”  YEAH FROM THE ASIAN MOB DOWN HERE IN THE BOWELS OF THE RESORT!  Great, nobody even knows we are here.  Oh my gosh.

Finally, they seem to be done with their family reunion and she once again grins and gives us the little wave to “follow me”.   We have now been traveling about 40 minutes or so and are still underground.  Yes, go ahead, scroll up and see how long it would have taken us to get to the lobby which by the way, the entire hallway would have been outside if we would have turned right at the bottom of the steps.  We go another couple of minutes and she takes us to an exit door.  I think, “Please, God, forgive me for everything I’ve ever done.  Please, please, let this be the door OUT of this dark dungeon.”  Sure enough, we go up a few flights of stairs and go outside to sunlight! Whew.  No. Wait.  I know where we are!  CRAP!!!  We are on the other side of one of the pools and it ain’t  near the parking lot.  She points for us to go “that way” and go out the gate that says “No entrance, employees only”.  For real?  Now that it’s been close to an hour, we are still schlepping this beach crap, you are going to have us walk through a restricted area?  Why didn’t you bring us to this gate in the first place?  We could have gone through some other restricted areas at the bottom of those original steps instead of going through the bowels of the resort with no lights, come up on this side of the pool to have to still walk another 5 minutes to get out of the resort and into the parking area.  Did I mention we hadn’t showered?  Did I mention that it is 88 freaking degrees and I know I mentioned we had a ton of crap that we are lugging.  Whose freaking idea was it to go to the ocean anyway?  Who cares how beautiful the water is.  We are worn out.  Had we known we were going to hike almost an hour, we would have made wiser shoe choices and maybe not taken so many beach things with us.  We HAD to look like the Beverly Hillbillies going to the beach.  You don’t suppose that’s why she took us down to her Mafia people to show them do you?  They did all keep talking and looking at us, with a few chuckles.  Hmmm….

The sweet (cough, cough) little asian lady smiles and says….”Aloha”.

Aloha my…….

….and that’s all I have to say about that!

Tammy

Yeah, so the vow to not buy anything extra for 2011 has found a major blip in the system.  It’s all because of a certain restaurant offering a piece of pie for 45 cents and being married to a pure sugar head,  easily persuaded to pilgrimage out into the elements for a cheap slice of sugar!

I was listening to The Fish (95.5FM) radio two weeks ago minding my own business, preparing dinner in the privacy of my own home.  When along came a commercial that I thought the sugar head I married er, I mean my sweet lovable husband would be very interested in knowing about.  The Hartville Kitchen (a restaurant/gift shop known for good food) was having a 45 year anniversary sale.  I remember back when they had their 40th anniversary and our daughter and I went–he had a fit because we had a piece of their wonderful pie for 40 cents and he was at work!  You see – during their anniversary time, their pie price matches the years they’ve been in business.  Fittingly, this year is 45 cents for their 45th anniversary.  So I told the hubster when he came in that evening.  It’s only Monday and Tuesday until March 8th I informed him.  He said, “Oh, Monday is our day off – let’s plan on going next Monday!  Yum, a piece of Hartville Kitchen pie for 45 cents.”  That man is easy!

So, Monday arrives and off we go for lunch.  It was nice – a date lunch, just the two of us…awwww.
Hey – every little bit helps!  After 30 years of marriage – yep, it’s truly the little things in life that count!
Anyway – back to the pie lunch.  We order our meal and wait.  While we wait for our food, he starts breaking down his top 4 choices – you know, just in case they are sold out – since the restaurant is, as usual, packed to the gills.  I happen to notice the little sign on the table that says there is a BOGO-45% off sale in the gift shop, which this shop is amazingly huge.  Let’s put it this way, if you can’t find a gift for yourself, I mean for someone, in this shop…well, you are probably not going to find it!  The fine print on the bottom of the sign showing what is excluded only has two items.   Hmmmm, the one item I would be interested in isn’t listed………….

So while sweetness goes off to a sugar coma while eating his pie, I plan on taking a gander at the gift shop.  “Man, I’m so full, how about we walk through the gift shop just to help digest and stretch out.”  “Ok,” he says.  Yep – the coma is full fledged now!  Yippee, off we go.  Stop first at the cashier – “Are these the only two exclusions to the sale?” I ask.  “Yes, everything else is included, just until Saturday” the sweet clerk informs me.  Ha – I don’t need until Saturday – today would be just fine.  Or will it?

So, as I almost break into a full sprint to the section I know all too well where it is in the store, the darling sugar-doped up man follows me and cozies into a comfy chair nearby.  Then I see it!  The new spring color I think the daughter will love.  So I snap a couple photos and send a text with it.  GOSH,  I love this new technology crap that half the time I have no idea how to use.  Send it to the daughter who texts back…”I LOVE IT”.  So, I prepare a speech to the hubby – how about we get one of these for her for Valentine’s day and then the 45% off one save for her birthday so they match?  He exclaims – “but which two, shouldn’t you find out which she’d rather have?”  Huh – like you even consider that?  Ok – I’ll go with it.  Text her back.  Text again.  Call her cell.  Call her office.  Call her apartment.  Dad texts.   I think to myself – look ya little creep – answer your stinking text or phone – I’m trying to buy you a Vera Bradley bag – your Dad has gone for the two biggest ones–AND YOU ARE NOT ANSWERING!!!  Don’t you know the sugar will wear off soon?  Finally – a ring.  The wonderful little thing says–“What are you bothering me for – one of us is working today?”  I’m thinking—Oh, my precious, there are actually two of us working…one in an office and one at your Dad–both for your benefit, so hush!

In a sneaky, round about way we come up with two. She just thinks we wondered if she likes the new color.  We purchase and leave.  Hubby says (wait for this one) – “You know how she likes to match stuff, why don’t we stop by her and give it to her early, just in case she might want to go back and match some stuff.  They are open tonight until 8.”  Huh – did he just say go back……SHOPPING?

So, we stop….SURPRISE!  “Oh yeah, let me get my wallet, I’m free tonight – let’s go back,” she says.  We do.  We are now friends with the Vera sales lady.  She begins helping to find pieces.  She suggests…”Well this one is more, so try to find one equal to this price for your better % off.”  The hubby likes the way she thinks.  More shoppers come along.  “Vera is really in the sale?  Are you kidding, even the new colors just out?” We make friends!  I start thinking, hmmm, maybe I should get a new fun one for the spring myself.  Sugar man is still somewhat delirious so why not!   An hour and a half later, daughter has made her selection and off we go!

Tuesday morning rolls around.  The daughter calls.  “I looked at the book, and found another piece or two that I might like to get to finally have most of a set that matches…wanna have lunch and go shop again?”   Her wonderful Dad says – “Yeah – and it’s Tuesday, so the pie is 45 cents again!”  Oh my, driven by flour, eggs, fruit and SUGAR!

Daughter texts friend who is a Vera fan and tells her about the sale.  “No Way – I’m heading out the door now to go there, I heard about the sale!  I’ll meet you there and join you all for lunch.”  Lunch and PIE was good.  Off to the gift shop.

Seriously – same sales clerk.  She sees us coming and loudly exclaims, “Oh back again so soon?”  Thanks for throwing us under the bus.  Yeah, couple of items each later and we are on our way again.
Thinking we are finally Vera’d out – we are grateful for the deals to be had.  Dad explains to us both, that we have just received Valentines’,  Mother’s Day (one of us),  Birthdays and Christmas gifts for a while!
Ok. Yeah sure!

We drop off daughter and go home.  Wednesday she sends another text thanking us for the pieces we bought her and thanks for telling her about the sale.  In the last couple years of shopping Vera, she’s never found such a great deal – nor has she been able to have a nice complete set.  She was usually missing a piece or two that she just couldn’t find at a reasonable price to finish a set.  She thinks about the pieces she hasn’t used and decides – hmm, maybe I’ll sell those since they are in mint condition and then I’ve paid for these new pieces.  Great thinking I text her back.

Thursday morning – a text from the daughter.  “Whatcha doin’ today?  In our laughing with the sales lady and helping my friend pick out her choices – I forgot the two little pieces I use everyday in my current bag.  Any way you would pick me up and we go down and I run in to get JUST those pieces?”  I say, “Sure, I forgot a wallet for the second color I bought!”  So – off we go.  Someone has the day off and decides he best ride along – though the pie special isn’t today….just to contain the Vera blitz!

Get to the store.  He makes us tell him what TWO pieces we are coming for so the totals match for the best discount.  We tell him…he’s happy…we go inside.  Pick out the two, pay, come out.  As we open the door, the daughter says.  “I’m afraid if I don’t get the large travel bags at this price, I’m going to really be mad at myself.  I’ve already decided to sell off a couple unused pieces.”  Yep – she goes back in and who does she see…our new shopping friend from Tuesday, back for more pieces herself – plus Mother’s Day gifts!  Happy and spent (in more ways than one) the daughter returns to the car.  She is excited that for once, she finally has a complete set of Vera Bradley that she often thought she’d love to have.  At such a great deal, she is pleased.

And the ever positive Dad states…….”I’m thinking that has been one very expensive piece of
45 cent pie!”

…and that’s all I have to say about that!

Tammy