I don’t know about you, but for me, I’ve spent too much of my life worrying about what others think of me. It’s not healthy, but it happens. Not having the “perfect figure” (what is that, anyway?), I’ve felt very self conscience often in public events. It didn’t matter if I was speaking or just attending, I felt out of place. Often I would make sure I knew where all the doors were just in case I needed to make an exit—stage left.
I’d worry and fret preparing to go and often talk myself out of going someplace I was stoked to go to when I signed up or bought the ticket.
But I had a real eye-opening experience this March when our daughter married her love. A moment of drawing the line in the dirt and the need to decide which side of the line I would stand that day and in my future. Would I allow MY thoughts to convince me of what others thought? How would I know what they thought. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there have been folks who made it very clear what they thought, whether with words or looks, I knew. But often nobody says or does anything. My mind just knows what they’re thinking.
Would I be so consumed with what I perceived people’s thought of what I looked like in my dress, was my hair too gray—do I have time to get it colored? It’s four days before the wedding, would it bomb and make it look worse? Would I let all of that ruin my day. Oh, I wouldn’t ruin it for the others, I’ve become quite the actress and have the strong ability to hide it.
I mentioned to our daughter that my dress arrived a little snug with no time for a re-order. She told me she’d purchased a couple full-body spanx and offered one to me to try. “Try this, maybe it won’t make you feel self-conscience, Mom. But I think you look nice in your dress.” My husband said he thought it was one of the prettiest dresses I’ve ever had and I looked great.
But I didn’t feel great.
So, I decided I’d better try on this tiny spanx item before the bid day that week
. I managed to get it to my knees. At this point, I knew it would take two of us for me to complete the task. Let’s just say – had it been recorded, I probably could have won the $10,000,000 on America’s Funniest Videos.
At the end of the thirty minute adventure, almost breaking bones and dripping with sweat, I had quite a “come to Jesus” moment when a scripture flashed through my mind. It’s one which I think on often “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:14 ESV) If my soul knows I am made wonderful by our Creator, why can’t my mind “know” that as well? My husband noticed my frozen posture and asked what I was thinking. I looked at him and with a confidence I’ve not felt before I smiled and said, “You know what? I’m not doing this anymore. This is who I am, at this moment. I’m going to go to that wedding in my pretty PINK dress that makes me look like a barrel and just have a barrel of fun.”
And I truly did.
I’m including the entire story in this month’s newsletter – gosh, I don’t want that whole thing online! So, if you want the whole scene unfolded, you’ll have to sign up for the newsletter! If you need a good laugh, I believe you’ll get it with that story.
