Have you ever had one of those days when you just felt like everyone was spitting or pooping on you? I’m serious here!
I have had so many times of people spitting on my face or animals pooping on me that it has become a family joke. On me of course…literally! This started way back when.
A vivid memory I have, and an oh so grotesque one I have involved my Dad, Mom, Me and my Grandmother (my Dad’s Mom). I must interject here that if you knew my Grandmother, you know where this is going, but since many of you didn’t know her an explanation is due. You see, my Grandmother liked to spit. Not the chew the tobacco then spit into a cup kinda lady. The snort up a large lugey and spit it. She had wastebaskets and newspapers spread all over the floor in her favorite seats in the house. Get the picture. Good, as it will help. Back to the memory. We were riding in my Dad’s convertible. My Dad was driving and my Mom was behind him. My Grandmother was in the front passenger seat and I was, well, you guessed it, right behind her in the back seat. Yup – oh boy, what a treat! As it was a beautiful, sunny day my Dad had the top down. After a little while my Grandmother, God bless her, well, she decided it was time to…SPIT. So she did. Can you just imagine where that lugey went? Precisely! Directly onto my right cheek. And that thang was as big as my cheek. Are you kidding me?
Another memory: While walking through the Berlin Germany Zoo back in 1994, my Husband, Daughter and I were enjoying a few monkeys playing around. We were intently watching them play tag when all of a sudden I felt something warm on my face. Again! It seems that a flock of birds had just had lunch and needed to relieve themselves. Right onto my right cheek, down the front of my shirt and into the inside of my left shoe. Are you kidding me?
I can’t even count on two hands the amount of people who have gotten so into their stories to me that they literally sprayed them onto my face. Pretty much on the right cheek, in fact! Are you kidding me?
Then there was today.
As I was walking to my car from work, I was enjoying the 52 degree day here in Ohio. It was rather windy, but when there is 52 degrees in the middle of January, I will take some wind! Apparently, our fine feathered friends were out enjoying the fair weather as well. And eating. And, you guessed it, pooping! On whom you might ask? Well, give you one guess! Oh, and guess where? But of course, across my right cheek and the left lens of my glasses. Are you kidding me? See, I have proof below…
Now, you might say how in the world is she going to spin encouragement into this. Have no fear, my friends. For no matter how many times people will spit lugies or spray spit across your face or birds will drop bombs on you when you least expect it, it boils down to the same thing. Whether it’s the spitting, pooping, or insults being flung from folks. You just gotta do what I did today. I just cracked up so hard that it “Tickled Me Pink.” And then I just turned the other cheek and yelled, “Ha, is that all you got birdie?”
…and that’s all I have to say about that.