Still Trying to Download All That’s Been Uploaded From She Speaks!

Since returning from my conference, She Speaks 2011, this past weekend I am having a hard time trying to decide what to share.  Where do I start?  I posted on Facebook during the long nine hour drive some of my thoughts as I was driving away from Charlotte, NC.  My first thought while leaving was that my head hurt so bad from wonderful overload! Some things weren’t so wonderful as I guess God and I needed to “discuss” some things!  (More on that down the page.)  We were asked, “What was your One Thing you came away with.”  Huh?  Just One Thing?  Do you not know me – I never have just “One Thing” to say!  But, I’m always up for a challenge or especially a dare – so I began to ponder……

My best One Thing from this weekend for me was…”God has given each and every one of us a Gift.  They will all be different.  But, this gifting is given not to just hold onto it and never use it.  Quite the opposite.  Whatever gift you are given, He is expecting you to use it for HIM.”  If you have the gift of teaching, you need to be teaching; gift of speaking, you need to be speaking; encouraging, someone needs encouraged today; writing, get that paper/computer out and get to writing.  There are so many more, this is just a small sample of gifts. After a strange but cool event at church back on June 19th, I felt this was the affirmation I came searching for.

I did not come up with this on Friday evening.  It took this hard-headed, stubborn girl until the drive home when I began to sort out and think through the many snippets of wisdom I’d gained through the weekend. Ok, I might be quick-witted or quick on the ornery comment – but quick on getting what I’m supposed to be doing when I grow up – not so quick!  These snippets were sprinkled throughout my sessions, among the table chatter at meals, sitting up late chattin’ it up with my new friends and even standing in the bathroom line.  It was all over and some things were loud enough for me to get and others weren’t so loud and I only figured them out once I went through the mental replay over a long drive.

However, though I felt I received an affirmation from God that I need to be writing, it didn’t stay with me long.  Throughout the weekend, a feeling came and went.  An overwhelming feeling continued to keep returning to my head.  “What in the world am I doing here?”  Oh satan was messing with me and my mind big time.  At one point during a general session, I was so distraught I had to get up and leave.  Those of you who know me will know that this is not my style.  I do not like to get up and leave during an event.  Two reason mainly–don’t want to miss a thing and don’t want everyone wondering why I couldn’t “hold it” until the session is done!  But at this point, it was either get up now and leave the room or I was going to start bawling my eyes out.  Now I’m a stubborn girl so I thought I’m going to fight this.  I WILL NOT CRY. (Ha – I’m always tearing up anyway.)  This time I was going to fight through it.  As I was having a mental dialog with God – he had other plans. He decided that we needed to have this out and I needed to go to the bathroom to “discuss” this with Him.  So he filled my bladder so full of good ‘ol sweet iced tea that I had no choice but to get up and walk in front of people to meet him in the little girls’ room.  So I went.
I almost made it to a stall before the tears started to stream down my face.  I sat there and thought, “Lord, what on earth am I doing here?  I’m not supposed to be here.  I’m feeling more and more confused.  I’m seeing everyone having mountaintop experiences here and definite guidance from you and here I sit – more confused then when I left Ohio on Thursday morning.  WHAT IS IT?  WHY AM I HERE?”  I sat there for quite a while.  Waiting.  Becoming more frustrated I called my hubby (who was along with me) and I simply said, “I think we need to go home now.”  There was a long pause, then one question, “Where is your faith?”  I said the same thing anyone else would say when not getting what you WANTED (or thought you wanted).  “Thanks – bye.”  And I cried.
However – because I always try to find something to laugh or get a giggle out of  – what happened next got me to giggling and I was able to pull myself together and return to my session.  After you read it, please tell me you have done this, too!  Seriously!
I’m sitting in the stall sobbing my poor little whimpy heart out.  Ya know how you have to wave your hand under the soap, then soap comes out.  Sometimes.  You then have to wave your hand under the water, and water comes out.  Sometimes.  Then you gotta walk over to the paper towels and wave, and a paper towel comes out.  Sometimes.  The best are the new air dryers.  Oh my word, please do not put your little child under there, those machines can blow your child across the bathroom plastering them up against the wall.  They won’t even know what hit them.  Sorry, I have left the track (yeah, no surprise…) Back to the little hissy fit in the stall.  (Kinda sounds like a country song). Ok, Ok – I’ll get on with it.  I’m sitting there realizing I had better get back to the session that I’ve paid to be at and missing.  I got frustrated because the dang toilet paper hasn’t released any toilet paper yet and then it dawned on me.  I have been sitting there whining like a baby waving my hand under the toilet paper waiting for it to release a square or two!  Yes, I then lost it into laughter.  ThankyaJesus for the gift of the giggle!  I was gone!  Mercy, I couldn’t stop myself from giggling.
Just because things get rough, we get frustrated when things don’t go our way, or we get angry when we don’t get answers to life’s questions we expect answers to NOW, don’t let that be your every thought.  You have to know that there is a God who is in control of all things.  If we learn to trust that He knows what we need, when we need it not when we want it, things will go much better.
And you may find yourself crying your eyes out and waving your hand under a toilet paper holder waiting for a piece or two of toilet paper.
And God will deliver a sweet giggle for you in that moment!
…and that’s all I have to say about that!
Tammy

7 thoughts on “Still Trying to Download All That’s Been Uploaded From She Speaks!

  1. You were the only one who didn’t know why you were there, then! It’s probably a selfish reason for me, but I know we all felt your enthusiasm and encouragement. So you served a purpose for me! πŸ™‚ Now rest assured you served a purpose for God, too!

  2. Hilarious about the hand-waving. I so get it! Loved this … praying the seeds planted in you over the weekend will grow and flourish as He blesses others through you. πŸ™‚

  3. πŸ™‚ Giggling with you about the toilet paper! heehee

    I’m swimming in all the glee from this conference, as well. I want to call it a retreat because of the soul nourishing. I, too, could not take away just one thing…there are so many and I’m sure I’ll continue processing for weeks. Maybe even months. πŸ™‚

  4. Tammy, I can totally relate to this! I spent so much time wondering why I was there and even snuck off to my room to have my own little “discussion” with God at one point. As always, He was faithful to meet me. So grateful to serve a God that can handle my doubts, insecurities, and mood swings!

    Oh, and I must confess… I had a terrible time with the paper towel dispenser! Yes, I was the one waving like a crazy person at the silly thing. Oh well.

  5. I did not say the post above. It looks like I’ve been hacked into by someone named “hubby larry”! That’s what I get for leaving my blog page up and someone just got right in there! Now, where’s Larry……….

  6. Thanks, Ladies for the encouragement! It was a great weekend and yes it really should have been called a retreat. My heart is still exploding from the new friendships I’ve made – true treasures that is for sure. I look forward to watching everyone grow and share like we have done. It keeps each of us encouraged to follow this call.

    Thank you Rachel for your very sweet words. You are such a joy to be around. YOU are very enthusiastic and encouraging. And of course – GO ZIPS!!!

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